I went to lunch a few weeks ago with a friend from Colombia that was visiting us in San Diego. When the check arrived he offered to pay, I agreed and offered to the tip. When he saw that I left a good 22% he said wow somebody works in the service industry.
Well he’s right, about 30% of my income comes from tips, so I know what it feels like when people don’t tip you enough or at all. But the reason our server got a good tip was because he did a phenomenal job, and on top of that I wanted to bless him since I was being blessed with lunch.
I’ve been to that restaurant a few times, and my husband who is a very friendly guy has talked to all the servers and has made them all laugh, so by now all of the servers know me and are incredibly cordial to me. Last week when we were there one of the servers that wasn’t assigned to my table saw we had an expired coupon for 50% off, and brought us a new one to make sure we got the discount. They often offer us a complimentary glass of wine and they always give us the most amazing service.
As I was thinking about the whole thing, and talking to some of my coworkers about it, we realized the reason we leave good tips is because of how we feel when people leave good tips to us. It makes us feel appreciated, and it makes us want to work as hard as possible to serve people the best way we can.
Sometimes is not even about money, I remember one particular customer that left a 20% tip for me but was incredibly rude. I was walking away from him to bring him change at one point and he said “that’s ok darling”. Since it wasn’t the first time I had been called darling by a stranger I turned around and said thank you sir. To what he replied “I am not talking to you, why would I talk you?” And right there and then his tip meant nothing to me and a frown took over my face. I got over it pretty quickly because I don’t usually dwell on those kinds of things, but if he ever comes back to the restaurant I will probably get the frown back within seconds.
I am not saying it is our responsibility to make people’s days great, we all know it lies on each individual to enjoy their days. But what if we can add to someone’s joy? What if with our actions we can let people know we understand they don’t have to serve us, and we really appreciate they are doing it anyways? I am telling you, being appreciative with your words, actions and with your wallet opens doors in ways you would have never expected them.
There are so many opportunities to say thank you and act accordingly to that gratitude. The cashier at the grocery store would appreciate a smile and a little conversation. Your property manager would appreciate a nice thank you card with a piece of candy or a couple flowers. Your spouse could use an unusual act of appreciation, a nice meal, flowers. Your parents could use a call to tell them you appreciate and love them, your pastors would appreciate an act of gratefulness towards them. Opportunities are everywhere, so I say let’s take as many as we can, and let’s make sure people know we are grateful for them.
Are we people of integrity?
Posted in God, Life, Success on by
I was watching “crossing over” a few nights ago. A muslim 15 year old girl writes an essay in regards to what took place in NY city September 11 eight years ago. She was arguing the terrorist who committed suicide, killing many in that venture, were not cowards, they needed their voice heard and even though we might not agree with what they had to say, or the way they got their message across we can’t deny they made us listen and were true to their beliefs.
This girl’s paper lead to many students being offended in the movie, so the principal of the school contacts immigration, and she ends up being kicked out of America over a paper where she wrote her opinion.
Being the movie junkie I am I went to IMDB, one of my frequented sites to check on the reaction people had to the movie. As expected people didn’t agree with what the 15 year old had to say, and the argument got long, offensive and ridiculous, so I stopped reading.
I have always been intrigued by mujahideen, those engaged in jihad “striving in the way of Allah.” If there is one thing I can’t deny is that they are passionate individuals who believe in their god and would do anything to please him. And that to me is admirable. Do I agree with their actions? Not for a second, do I believe they are doing the right thing? Not at all. Do I think they are cowards? No. Do I believe they are people of integrity? I do.
Integrity as a concept has to do with perceived consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome. If you think about it, mujahideen are people of integrity; they act consistently according to their value system. Their problem is most definitely not their integrity, it is their value system. In their eyes they are doing the right thing, in their eyes they are courageous men fighting the good fight of faith, in their eyes our value system is wrong.
People have different value systems, and that’s ok, culturally what is right in one place won’t be in another one. But in general there is a truth that applies to everyone, no matter where they were born and what language they speak, and it is to that higher truth that we must adhere. Otherwise in our quest for integrity we will find ourselves being people of integrity, yet people that are wrong.
The whole thing got me thinking about me, and my integrity as opposed to that of those who would kill themselves to prove their point. Do I always act in accordance to my value system? Do I always act on my convictions? Do I believe passionately in something? And if I do, do I act according to that or do I compromise that belief when things seem to get rough?
I remember when I first became a Christian, some areas of my life changed, and some others didn’t. That is normal, change comes with time, the problem is that some areas that didn’t change remained the same not because I was in the process of changing but instead because I wasn’t willing to give them up. At that point in my life I was a hypocrite, preaching something while living something opposite. In that we can’t deny mujahideen are better than me, they don’t compromise their beliefs to maintain their own comfort.
With people of integrity you know exactly what to expect, they are transparent, you can see through them because they act according to their value system always. And I have learned that integrity when faced with tribulation results in courage. Which is why I must agree with the girl in the movie, all of that without condoning the actions of 9/11.
I must admit there are still areas where I am a hypocrite, sometimes I fail, but I acknowledge I have failed and work hard to change. I am striving to become a person of integrity, not forgetting to check my value system often, making sure I am not only true to it, but it is also true in itself. That way when faced with tribulation I will be a woman of courage, my integrity will allow for me to do what others won’t attempt to do.
What about you, is your value system right? are you a person of integrity?
This girl’s paper lead to many students being offended in the movie, so the principal of the school contacts immigration, and she ends up being kicked out of America over a paper where she wrote her opinion.
Being the movie junkie I am I went to IMDB, one of my frequented sites to check on the reaction people had to the movie. As expected people didn’t agree with what the 15 year old had to say, and the argument got long, offensive and ridiculous, so I stopped reading.
I have always been intrigued by mujahideen, those engaged in jihad “striving in the way of Allah.” If there is one thing I can’t deny is that they are passionate individuals who believe in their god and would do anything to please him. And that to me is admirable. Do I agree with their actions? Not for a second, do I believe they are doing the right thing? Not at all. Do I think they are cowards? No. Do I believe they are people of integrity? I do.
Integrity as a concept has to do with perceived consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome. If you think about it, mujahideen are people of integrity; they act consistently according to their value system. Their problem is most definitely not their integrity, it is their value system. In their eyes they are doing the right thing, in their eyes they are courageous men fighting the good fight of faith, in their eyes our value system is wrong.
People have different value systems, and that’s ok, culturally what is right in one place won’t be in another one. But in general there is a truth that applies to everyone, no matter where they were born and what language they speak, and it is to that higher truth that we must adhere. Otherwise in our quest for integrity we will find ourselves being people of integrity, yet people that are wrong.
The whole thing got me thinking about me, and my integrity as opposed to that of those who would kill themselves to prove their point. Do I always act in accordance to my value system? Do I always act on my convictions? Do I believe passionately in something? And if I do, do I act according to that or do I compromise that belief when things seem to get rough?
I remember when I first became a Christian, some areas of my life changed, and some others didn’t. That is normal, change comes with time, the problem is that some areas that didn’t change remained the same not because I was in the process of changing but instead because I wasn’t willing to give them up. At that point in my life I was a hypocrite, preaching something while living something opposite. In that we can’t deny mujahideen are better than me, they don’t compromise their beliefs to maintain their own comfort.
With people of integrity you know exactly what to expect, they are transparent, you can see through them because they act according to their value system always. And I have learned that integrity when faced with tribulation results in courage. Which is why I must agree with the girl in the movie, all of that without condoning the actions of 9/11.
I must admit there are still areas where I am a hypocrite, sometimes I fail, but I acknowledge I have failed and work hard to change. I am striving to become a person of integrity, not forgetting to check my value system often, making sure I am not only true to it, but it is also true in itself. That way when faced with tribulation I will be a woman of courage, my integrity will allow for me to do what others won’t attempt to do.
What about you, is your value system right? are you a person of integrity?
It's ok.....
Posted in Life, Personal on by1. To gain a few pounds - I gained a few pounds after getting married, and after obsessing over them for a while I have decided to embrace them. I feel great anyways so that's what really matters. If you feel great just the way you are, then don't worry about those few extra pounds.
2. To consider wii fit a work out - I don't have a gym membership, neither can I justify it in my budget at this point, but I do have a wii and I tell people I work out, I don't care what you all say, my gym is my living room.
3. To wear painful shoes because they are beautiful - I am 5'2'', husband is 6'2''. High heels are pretty much mandatory in my life. Plus look at these triple buckle leather heels, need I say more?
4. To laugh at yourself - English is not my first language so I make tons of mistakes and pronounce words the wrong way. The more time I spend in an English speaking country, the more I have to learn to laugh at myself. Have you ever had food in between your teeth? laugh about it, laugh about tripping over your own feet, laugh about every faux pas and they won’t seem so bad.
5. To ask questions - goes along with ‘it’s ok to not know all the answers’ learning something new daily is an absolute joy. Ask questions, ask even when your question seems silly. For the longest time I didn’t know what LOL meant, but instead of asking I made up a meaning for it which later made look completely stupid, I learned then if you don’t know it ask about it.
6. To ask for a surprise party - we all like attention, come one you know you do! We need someone to make it happen, so I say ask for it. We all know we want it but we just want people to read our minds, that’s not going to happen, but the party might be a reality if you ask for it.
7. To cry for no good reason - Sometimes I am feeling melancholic and I just cry and I am not depressed, I don’t have any major issue lingering, any deep dark secret, I am just a woman and my hormones are weird, and that’s ok.
8. To spend a day off in bed, watching movies, reading books and ordering Chinese - not every day has to be a compulsive preoccupation with productivity, some days can be just relaxing, and I think that it’s ok to say you stayed home, red books and relaxed last Saturday.
9. To question people you respect - not because you respect them they are always right. Sometimes they might even be right but you don’t have to blindly agree. It's ok to disagree with them and even question them. Honestly a relationship gets scary when there is no room for disagreement. I remember a pastor once saying that he really hoped people left his sermons with questions in their hearts, he said it was the only way they would dig into the Bible themselves and grow closer to God. So if you are growing you will question.
10. To fail - I remember meeting one of the founders of the Dream Center in LA, I remember something he said that revolutionized my approach at life “We tried everything, there was nothing else we could fail at, so we knew success was the only option left.” If you failed go back to #4, get up and start over.
11. To be alone - Living in Colombia I was never alone, friends were always there, family was always there, boyfriend was always there, and then I decided to move to the States. Little by little I had to learn to be my only companion for dinner, movies, shopping, and even Christmas. But I would not know who I am today if it wasn’t fot the time I spent getting to discover Jo.
12. To seek help - My husband and I have a great relationship, and like all great relationships we struggle. Most struggles we handle together, and we move forward daily, but there is this one area where we just don’t know what to do. As hard as it is to admit that your married life is not perfect to others, it’s ok. Once you find wise advice you discover nobody’s is.
13. To be very imperfect - nobody is perfect, and trying so hard to achieve a false sense of perfection is simply ridiculous. We are all imperfect beings trying to be better everyday, being imperfect is totally ok. The more you try to cover up your imperfections the more obvious they become, instead acknowledge them and work hard to get rid of them, but know perfection is not the standard.
14. To be silly - You know when you are singing in your car and you feel the people in the car next to you looking at you. Our immediate reaction is to pretend we have our bluetooth in the ear they can’t see, and we are having a very important phone conversation we are just now hanging up on. I say keep singing, smile at them and bring the hand mic out! After all the people in the other car know they do it too.
15. To eat junk every now and then - I rarely eat junk because I try to eat at home most of the time and stay in my budget, but every now and then I want the burger from the chain of preference, and that is ok. Nobody has died from the occasional in-n-out, just make sure you hit the wii afterwards!
All you need is love
Posted in God, Love, San Diego on by
I went to a picket a couple weeks ago, it was my very first experience with something like that and I must admit it wasn’t a pleasant one. It’ll all started because a church from Kansas thought they had to go to San Diego High School with signs saying things like “God hates fags” and “Fags go to hell”, this idea from the church in Kansas resulted in a reaction from the gay community; hundreds of people with signs saying things like “God loves gay people too” and “If your God hates me then I hate your God”.
Here I was standing in the middle of colorful signs, rainbow flags and a woman singing a new version of God loves America that went something like “God hates America” as she was standing on an American flag. The reason I went is to interview both sides for a documentary a friend of mine is doing, with microphone in hand, camera man behind and colleague by my side I went to the side of the church first.
I stood in front of that side for a few minutes, with watery eyes and wanting to believe what I saw and what I was reading in the signs did not show the hearts of this people, wanting to believe this was all a joke and they didn’t have that much hatred stored inside of them. For a few minutes I exchanged waves and smiles with a little blond girl, she looked like she was about 7 years old and her sign read “God hates the U.S.A.”
After thinking for a few minutes, looking at them, listen to what they were saying I went over to the woman that seemed to be in charge of the picket, Shirley Phelps-Roper. I asked if I could interview her and she agreed nicely. We talked about love, family, America, how successful were their ways, why they were there, and for every question there was a perfectly understandable answer. Her and her family have been doing this for over a decade, and she has led over 19,000 pickets all over America; obviously she thinks that was she is doing is right.
My job was not to take sides; it wasn’t to argue, so I listened to her, asked more questions and thanked her politely. After that we went to the other side of the street where the gay community was standing. The people on this side outnumbered Mrs. Phelps-Roper 10 to 1 easily, but that didn’t seem to discourage her one bit.
The first sign I read on this side was one that read “let’s pray for W.B.C” (W.B.C stands for West Boro Church, the people on the other side of the street), and I was excited to see people had a loving attitude towards the people that were attacking them, but then I read more signs and the same hate portrayed by Shirley and her church was being portrayed by the gay community.
Again I was saddened, love sees beyond people’s wrongs, you are not supposed to condone what people are doing but you are supposed to love them in spite of that. And I felt like both sides of this picket forgot what love is all about.
I talked to a few representatives of the gay community and they had great valid points as to why this bothered them, why they believed God didn’t mind them choosing a homosexual lifestyle, how the church has made them feel inadequate, how some of them don’t even care about God. And I sat there remembering my recent conversation with Shirley; she opposed everything they said, with valid arguments taken straight out of the Bible.
What do you do when you disagree with everyone but can’t deny they all make sense? Shirley left when she said she would leave, right at 300pm, the gay community stayed a while longer and then started disappearing slowly. I walked to my car with a sour taste in my mouth.
I learned something at my first picket; you can’t change people, you can’t ask them to change their point of views, people believe what they believe for a reason. All you can really do is love them, respect what they believe, maybe even let them know you disagree, but love them regardless, because I have never heard of people having a better life because they were hated over their issues.
Here I was standing in the middle of colorful signs, rainbow flags and a woman singing a new version of God loves America that went something like “God hates America” as she was standing on an American flag. The reason I went is to interview both sides for a documentary a friend of mine is doing, with microphone in hand, camera man behind and colleague by my side I went to the side of the church first.
I stood in front of that side for a few minutes, with watery eyes and wanting to believe what I saw and what I was reading in the signs did not show the hearts of this people, wanting to believe this was all a joke and they didn’t have that much hatred stored inside of them. For a few minutes I exchanged waves and smiles with a little blond girl, she looked like she was about 7 years old and her sign read “God hates the U.S.A.”
After thinking for a few minutes, looking at them, listen to what they were saying I went over to the woman that seemed to be in charge of the picket, Shirley Phelps-Roper. I asked if I could interview her and she agreed nicely. We talked about love, family, America, how successful were their ways, why they were there, and for every question there was a perfectly understandable answer. Her and her family have been doing this for over a decade, and she has led over 19,000 pickets all over America; obviously she thinks that was she is doing is right.
My job was not to take sides; it wasn’t to argue, so I listened to her, asked more questions and thanked her politely. After that we went to the other side of the street where the gay community was standing. The people on this side outnumbered Mrs. Phelps-Roper 10 to 1 easily, but that didn’t seem to discourage her one bit.
The first sign I read on this side was one that read “let’s pray for W.B.C” (W.B.C stands for West Boro Church, the people on the other side of the street), and I was excited to see people had a loving attitude towards the people that were attacking them, but then I read more signs and the same hate portrayed by Shirley and her church was being portrayed by the gay community.
Again I was saddened, love sees beyond people’s wrongs, you are not supposed to condone what people are doing but you are supposed to love them in spite of that. And I felt like both sides of this picket forgot what love is all about.
I talked to a few representatives of the gay community and they had great valid points as to why this bothered them, why they believed God didn’t mind them choosing a homosexual lifestyle, how the church has made them feel inadequate, how some of them don’t even care about God. And I sat there remembering my recent conversation with Shirley; she opposed everything they said, with valid arguments taken straight out of the Bible.
What do you do when you disagree with everyone but can’t deny they all make sense? Shirley left when she said she would leave, right at 300pm, the gay community stayed a while longer and then started disappearing slowly. I walked to my car with a sour taste in my mouth.
I learned something at my first picket; you can’t change people, you can’t ask them to change their point of views, people believe what they believe for a reason. All you can really do is love them, respect what they believe, maybe even let them know you disagree, but love them regardless, because I have never heard of people having a better life because they were hated over their issues.
Stress from generation to generation
Posted in Family, Life on by
My mom is pretty young, she got married when she was 18 and had me at 20, so I’ve always had a really young, pretty mom. She started a photography business when she was 18 years old, she loved taking pictures and in my home there were always tons of pictures and undeveloped films, so the business made sense. I remember playing in the stands of the business when I was a little girl pretending I was something people could buy and going to the lab to pick up recently developed films for clients. I love pictures and I loved my Mom’s business, but sadly a few years before digital photography hit she decided she wanted to switch to toys, she wanted to keep taking pictures but not provide Bogota with any photography needs, smart woman.
So when I was about 8 years old she took all photography items out of her stores and invested in toys. And for almost 20 years now toys have been what pay for my family’s bills. My life was quite different from my Mom’s, she loved me and my sister but she regretted not being able to have a normal 20’s, so she did everything in her power to make sure we would not have to worry about the things she had to worry. She was always running around, she was always in a hurry, even on vacation she would do the hotel’s bed and organize, its hysterical how she just could not relax.
Earlier this week my Mom had to visit the hospital, she’s been sick for a couple years now and sometimes it gets bad when she gets comfortable and doesn’t take care of herself. I called her as soon as I heard she wasn’t doing well and I asked what the doctors had said. She explained the doctors told her it is stress related and she said something like; I worked so hard so you and your sister didn’t have to stress out, I wanted you both to simply enjoy life, and now I know stress is a decision not a condition and the more I stressed the more I taught you guys to do so as well. Jo, honey you need to just relax, you stress too much, enjoy life. My Mom could have not been more right, and she did the best she could, and I truly believe her and Dad did a great job, I am not trying to boast or anything, I truly believe so.
I have been thinking about what my Mom said and how it is so important to recognize what your actions are telling. My sister and I are always in a hurry, we are always busy, and we organize hotel’s rooms just like my Mom. We thought that was normal, we never really learned to relax, the funny thing is that my Grandpa is the epitome of non relaxation, he started working at age 7 and he has not stopped since, that has been over 60 years of non stop work, by choice (he could have retired a long time ago but he enjoys working)
I owe my work ethic to my family’s approach to work, I owe them my need to be efficient, I owe them my inability to just be an spectator, and for that I am grateful. Now we have to learn to keep those things but instead of passing stress down generations, we need to teach our future kids to stop and smell the roses without working hard and doing things right.
I don’t have any kids yet, and quite frankly the idea of having any still scares me, knowing that a person will watch and learn life from me is too much of a responsibility still. I know when I do have them I will careful to pass generational blessings and cut generational curses.
The hardest thing with generational curses/blessings is to recognize them, my mom took care of that hard part for us in this case. Most times we think what we do is normal, it’s all we’ve seen. So take some time to think about your family, look at patterns, ask your parents to talk about your grandparents, as soon as you recognize a blessing strive to keep it, it’s the best kind of family “tradition” to pass down. Once you recognize a curse work hard to break it so your kids and your kid’s kids don’t have to deal with it.
So when I was about 8 years old she took all photography items out of her stores and invested in toys. And for almost 20 years now toys have been what pay for my family’s bills. My life was quite different from my Mom’s, she loved me and my sister but she regretted not being able to have a normal 20’s, so she did everything in her power to make sure we would not have to worry about the things she had to worry. She was always running around, she was always in a hurry, even on vacation she would do the hotel’s bed and organize, its hysterical how she just could not relax.
Earlier this week my Mom had to visit the hospital, she’s been sick for a couple years now and sometimes it gets bad when she gets comfortable and doesn’t take care of herself. I called her as soon as I heard she wasn’t doing well and I asked what the doctors had said. She explained the doctors told her it is stress related and she said something like; I worked so hard so you and your sister didn’t have to stress out, I wanted you both to simply enjoy life, and now I know stress is a decision not a condition and the more I stressed the more I taught you guys to do so as well. Jo, honey you need to just relax, you stress too much, enjoy life. My Mom could have not been more right, and she did the best she could, and I truly believe her and Dad did a great job, I am not trying to boast or anything, I truly believe so.
I have been thinking about what my Mom said and how it is so important to recognize what your actions are telling. My sister and I are always in a hurry, we are always busy, and we organize hotel’s rooms just like my Mom. We thought that was normal, we never really learned to relax, the funny thing is that my Grandpa is the epitome of non relaxation, he started working at age 7 and he has not stopped since, that has been over 60 years of non stop work, by choice (he could have retired a long time ago but he enjoys working)
I owe my work ethic to my family’s approach to work, I owe them my need to be efficient, I owe them my inability to just be an spectator, and for that I am grateful. Now we have to learn to keep those things but instead of passing stress down generations, we need to teach our future kids to stop and smell the roses without working hard and doing things right.
I don’t have any kids yet, and quite frankly the idea of having any still scares me, knowing that a person will watch and learn life from me is too much of a responsibility still. I know when I do have them I will careful to pass generational blessings and cut generational curses.
The hardest thing with generational curses/blessings is to recognize them, my mom took care of that hard part for us in this case. Most times we think what we do is normal, it’s all we’ve seen. So take some time to think about your family, look at patterns, ask your parents to talk about your grandparents, as soon as you recognize a blessing strive to keep it, it’s the best kind of family “tradition” to pass down. Once you recognize a curse work hard to break it so your kids and your kid’s kids don’t have to deal with it.
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